Black Dogs by Jason Buhrmester

           Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, the catch phrase of the 1960s and 70s, life is good as long as you’ve got some girls, some drugs, and plenty of good music. If this phrase were actually the truth and if perhaps you were having sex, on drugs and listening to rock and roll, ‘Black Dogs’ by Jason Buhrmester could possibly be an enjoyable book, if this is not your situation, don’t bother reading it.

            “Black Dogs,” published in 2009, tells the fictional tale of four young criminals who pull off the famous theft of over 200,000 dollars from the British rock band Led Zeppelin. This book can be summed up quite simply; ‘sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll’ gives a fairly accurate picture of the book. If this does not satisfy your curiosity here is a more thorough overview of the plot: four teenage drop outs decide to rob Led Zeppelin. They run into some trouble with the law and a motorcycle gang. They get out of trouble. Now that you have it there’s no need to read the book. There is nothing more juicy, emotional or interesting in the pages of “Black Dogs” than there was in the last few sentences of this review.

            This entire book is marked by a complete lack of emotional depth. The characters are so entirely bland and stereotypical the reader never even begins to feel any attachment or interest in their wellbeing. This causes problems when the plot relies on the reader’s interest to create excitement or suspense when the characters are in a sticky situation. Instead of caring you just wish everyone would hurry up and get arrested and go to jail for life so you can stop wasting your time reading the rest of the book. If you have no obligation to read this book, the writing will give you no incentive to finish reading it so just put it down, you won’t lose any sleep

wondering what happens in the end, you already know before you finish reading the back cover.

            Throughout the book there are many potentials for excitement and set ups for suspense or action. Each time there is a set up for excitement the emotions never become tangible and the event blows past without notice. In the beginning of the book the narrator, Patrick, returns from New York to Baltimore to see his friend who was just released from prison. Patrick is the reason why his friend was in jail and it seems there may be some tension between them. Instead Patrick is instantly forgiven and they go straight to work on their plot to steal Led Zeppelin’s money. Each time you become hopeful that something exhilarating will happen, the emotional distance of all the characters and the didactic writing kills the mood and leaves the reader once again bored. Even the absurd scenes such as a massive riot at the carnival between the carnival workers and an extreme Christian motorcycle gang don’t stir any excitement.

            In between these set ups the book flies by in a forgettable and easy to read series of descriptions of the ‘gang’ drinking beer and talking endlessly about their favorite bands, most predominantly, Black Sabbath. Buhrmester obviously has an obsessive love for Black Sabbath which comes through in Patrick’s character, so that you can’t find a single page without a confession of love for Black Sabbath.

 Not only is the plot dull and predictable, the writing style is nothing special. The didactic manner of writing only contributes to the overall ordinariness of “Black Dogs.” Although the uncomplicated nature of the writing makes the book an easy and quick read, there is nothing distinguishable about the writing and no memorable or meaningful quotes. In every good book there is always a quote or an excerpt that makes the book meaningful. “Black Dogs” can easily be summed up by this telling quote. “We spent the rest of the night getting drunk and stoned and talked about what we were going to buy.”

            So if you perhaps enjoyed too much of the sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll back in the day, pick up this book and give it a skim (it won’t take you more than a couple hours). Otherwise, save your time for a book with more content.

Drive

            Everyone knows how to drive. You press the gas and move forwards, the brake to stop and “Drive” is, well a long and winding drive with a driver a bit heavy on the brakes. This new film directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and starring Ryan Gosling and Carrie Mulligan has all the set-up and makings of an exciting action movie, without the action.

            “Drive” is a challenge to see how many possible camera angles you can have inside a car. The conclusion seems to be not many. Or at least not many where you can still fully admire Ryan Gosling’s somber and beautiful face. This stony, silent façade is what makes up the majority of this movie. When Ryan gosling was cast as the mysterious driver, it seems it was decided that an hour of silent screen time for Gosling should be added. The close ups of his face show, in great detail, his detached ‘badass’ face or perhaps just that he is lacking a portion of his brain. The expression Gosling wears for the entire movie is so glossy and blank you begin to bet with yourself whether or not he is even capable of emotion.

            In between the many silences, “Drive” tells the story of a man, only identified as Driver, who works at a car garage by day and drives getaway cars for criminals by night. Driver soon becomes besotted (well we can only guess, is that a glimmer of love in his eyes?) with his lovely neighbor (Carrie Mulligan) who of course has a husband recently released from prison and involved in a criminal gang. The beautiful neighbor also has a doe-eyed little boy and the ensuing plot involving the criminal gang and the Driver all occurs for the sake of the boy, but of course we all know it’s really about the girl.

            Despite the somewhat predictable plot and close up views of Gosling’s facial skin pores, “Drive” is different from other generic action/car chase movies. Although the silences are a few too many, their presence does create suspense and give the audience time to think in between the action. In a normal car chase movie the audience is left with no time to mull over what is actually going on. “Drive” provides ample time for thinking which gives more emphasis to the emotional and psychological aspects of the characters. The movie, being of a dark and violent subject, leaves you with time to consider the psychological repercussions of the violence. The several violent scenes in the movie are indeed, extremely bloody, perhaps excessively so, but the suddenness of the violence in contrast to the vacant silence certainly makes it more powerful.  

            “Drive” is an intriguing and sometimes boring drive through the mind of Driver. The ride sometimes comes to an abrupt halt and sometimes moves like you’re out of gas, and then there are the occasional accelerations, speeding up to pass through the yellow light. Though it can be dull and predictable at times the overall effect of “Drive” leaves you intrigued and pensive about what the long silences were really about.

Ingrid Michaelson- 'Everybody' 

Back in her fourth album, Ingrid Michaelson has amassed a collection of peppy and absolutely cheesy tracks. ‘Everybody,’ released in 2009, somehow managed to peak on the charts at 18^th in that year. If Michaelson has an irritating voice and vapid lyrics, one thing she is good at is catching the eye, or rather ear, of the many young people of America who are so besotted by pop-y artists of this kind.

‘Everybody’ is an example of the way Michaelson’s music has become increasingly commercialized since the release of her first album in 2005. Michaelson’s career as a singer began with her simple, maybe even sweet voice and piano. Since then she has entered full force into the realm of pop which neglects musicality for the gaining of a larger audience. In ‘Everybody’ Michaelson employs the use of bigger and catchier beats and classic ‘young love’ lyrics that are so generic presumably anyone can associate.

Young and spunky Michaelson has made a valiant attempt with the album ‘Everybody’ adding some new instrumentation and even some orchestration to her usual piano, guitar and singing, but the album flops just as much as all other generic girl pop singers have flopped before her, face first into the pool of tastelessness and unoriginality. Despite the staleness of the album, Michaelson is developing quite a following of such people that so enjoy happy, catchy and generic music that also so happen to make up a large portion of the population. Select tracks from ‘Everybody’ have even been featured in TV series and movies such as Grey’s Anatomy and The House Bunny.

This album opens with ‘Soldier,’ a song about heartbreak and other general cardiovascular matters. ‘Everybody’ then continues to the namesake of the album, which proclaims over and over and over, “Everybody, Everybody wants to love” and “Everybody” yes, “Everybody wants to be loved.” The amount of time spent proclaiming this notion suggests perhaps the residue some unfortunate abandonment complex from childhood. The album then skims through several other entirely forgettable tracks and comes to ‘Are We There Yet’ which screeches on with repetitive lyrics (“are we there yet, are we there yet, are we…’you get the idea) until you can’t help screech along, are we at the end of the album yet?

The second half of the album finishes in much the same manner as the first half with completely unremarkable, bland lyrics and Michaelson’s voice, which if cute at first, has now just become severely annoying. The ordinariness of the album, however, does not stop Michaelson from adapting a trademark peppy pop voice as she seems to giggle and jump like a cheerleader through the utterly repetitive remain of the tracks. Her fake cheerfulness only accentuates the unexceptional and cliché quality of both lyrics and songs.