Black Dogs by Jason Buhrmester

           Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, the catch phrase of the 1960s and 70s, life is good as long as you’ve got some girls, some drugs, and plenty of good music. If this phrase were actually the truth and if perhaps you were having sex, on drugs and listening to rock and roll, ‘Black Dogs’ by Jason Buhrmester could possibly be an enjoyable book, if this is not your situation, don’t bother reading it.

            “Black Dogs,” published in 2009, tells the fictional tale of four young criminals who pull off the famous theft of over 200,000 dollars from the British rock band Led Zeppelin. This book can be summed up quite simply; ‘sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll’ gives a fairly accurate picture of the book. If this does not satisfy your curiosity here is a more thorough overview of the plot: four teenage drop outs decide to rob Led Zeppelin. They run into some trouble with the law and a motorcycle gang. They get out of trouble. Now that you have it there’s no need to read the book. There is nothing more juicy, emotional or interesting in the pages of “Black Dogs” than there was in the last few sentences of this review.

            This entire book is marked by a complete lack of emotional depth. The characters are so entirely bland and stereotypical the reader never even begins to feel any attachment or interest in their wellbeing. This causes problems when the plot relies on the reader’s interest to create excitement or suspense when the characters are in a sticky situation. Instead of caring you just wish everyone would hurry up and get arrested and go to jail for life so you can stop wasting your time reading the rest of the book. If you have no obligation to read this book, the writing will give you no incentive to finish reading it so just put it down, you won’t lose any sleep

wondering what happens in the end, you already know before you finish reading the back cover.

            Throughout the book there are many potentials for excitement and set ups for suspense or action. Each time there is a set up for excitement the emotions never become tangible and the event blows past without notice. In the beginning of the book the narrator, Patrick, returns from New York to Baltimore to see his friend who was just released from prison. Patrick is the reason why his friend was in jail and it seems there may be some tension between them. Instead Patrick is instantly forgiven and they go straight to work on their plot to steal Led Zeppelin’s money. Each time you become hopeful that something exhilarating will happen, the emotional distance of all the characters and the didactic writing kills the mood and leaves the reader once again bored. Even the absurd scenes such as a massive riot at the carnival between the carnival workers and an extreme Christian motorcycle gang don’t stir any excitement.

            In between these set ups the book flies by in a forgettable and easy to read series of descriptions of the ‘gang’ drinking beer and talking endlessly about their favorite bands, most predominantly, Black Sabbath. Buhrmester obviously has an obsessive love for Black Sabbath which comes through in Patrick’s character, so that you can’t find a single page without a confession of love for Black Sabbath.

 Not only is the plot dull and predictable, the writing style is nothing special. The didactic manner of writing only contributes to the overall ordinariness of “Black Dogs.” Although the uncomplicated nature of the writing makes the book an easy and quick read, there is nothing distinguishable about the writing and no memorable or meaningful quotes. In every good book there is always a quote or an excerpt that makes the book meaningful. “Black Dogs” can easily be summed up by this telling quote. “We spent the rest of the night getting drunk and stoned and talked about what we were going to buy.”

            So if you perhaps enjoyed too much of the sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll back in the day, pick up this book and give it a skim (it won’t take you more than a couple hours). Otherwise, save your time for a book with more content.